


Don't Let it Get to You

by DonnyPhantom (BigBadLittleRed)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Daniel Buckley Lives, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has ADHD, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29509257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBadLittleRed/pseuds/DonnyPhantom
Summary: Daniel can't sit by and watch his little brother suffer anymore, and if his parents won't do anything, he will. Suitcases packed, Evan and Daniel hit the road, hoping to create a better life for themselves. They just so happen to end up in Minnesota, where Daniel becomes a firefighter for Station 48. Life isn't easy taking care of a thirteen-year-old by yourself, especially one that has so many problems. Luckily, a coworker turned friend is there to lend a hand during hard times.
Relationships: Daniel Buckley & Evan "Buck" Buckley
Comments: 42
Kudos: 219





	1. Taking Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place shortly after Maddie left for nursing school, except of course Daniel is here so things are different. Maddie is 21, Daniel is 19, and Evan is 13.
> 
> Also, when I'm picturing Daniel I'm picturing Garrett Hedlund, specifically the look he had playing Jack in Four Brothers. Just thought that would be good to know.

There are countless thoughts running through his head as he rides through the streets, trying to go as fast as he can without garnering too much attention or crashing his motorcycle. The houses zip by, wind rippling through his clothes, he restrains himself. The thing is, he shouldn’t be dealing with his parents' bullshit anymore. He should have graduated and taken off, never to look back, because dealing with Margaret and Phillip Buckley on a day-to-day basis is like nails on a goddamn chalkboard.

His friends think he’s nuts for living at home, for staying when he’s been working at the mall for three years and has saved up enough to at least move out. There’s only one snag, the same snag that called him ten minutes ago begging him to come home because he had apparently gotten suspended. Again. Because Daniel can’t leave in good conscience, he knows too much to leave Evan all by himself.

Especially not when things are the way they are right now.

He pulls up into the driveway, revving his bike to alert Evan to his presence before popping the kickstand and shutting it off. He’s pulling his helmet off as he crosses the yard, not hesitating to pull open the front door when he hears the sounds of muffled shouting. He’s just barely inside the threshold when a familiar weight slams into his waist, hugging him tightly.

Daniel automatically reaches up to run a gloved hand over the back of his little brother’s head, looking up to his parents as they come out of the living room. “What happened?”

“Weren’t you at work? Evan, I _told_ you not to call him!” Their mother scolds.

“He can call me whenever he wants.” Daniel says tightly, shooting his mother a glare. “What happened?”

“Your brother decided to scale the school building using the rain gutter.” Their father says with barely restrained anger.

“Are you hurt?” He pulls Evan back and crouches down to look at him, sees his teary, red-rimmed eyes and splotchy pink cheeks.

“No, thank god.” Margaret scoffs. “How stupid can you be? Do you know how dangerous that is?!”

“Don’t call him that!” Daniel snaps, even though it often falls upon deaf ears.

“He’s been suspended, did he tell you that when he called you?” Phillip asks with a stern nod. “It’s always something with you, Evan.”

Daniel stands up and Evan automatically slips behind him. “Ever think there might be a _reason_ for that?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Margaret questions tersely.

“You know exactly what it means.” Daniel says with a small shake of his head and roll of his eyes.

“No, no we don’t know what it means, Daniel, if you would please enlighten us.” Margaret crosses her arms.

“You’ve ignored him for years; he’s practically doing backflips to try and get you to look at him!” He insists. “It’s bad enough him and Maddie played second fiddle while you smothered me when I was sick, but even after I went into remission you just threw him to the side and moved on!”

“That’s ridiculous, if anything we’ve spent more time dealing with him than we ever did dealing with you or Maddie.” Phillip tells him with a wave of his hand.

“All you do is yell at him, it’s the only time you even look at him!” He gestures back at Evan for emphasis.

Margaret scoffs. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“How many baseball games of his did you go to last season? I went to every single one, Maddie went to the first couple before she moved to Boston.” He doesn’t wait for their response to continue. “You went to two, and one of those you left early before he even got up to bat!”

“At least we went!” Margaret objects. “We’re busy people, Daniel, we can’t make time for every little activity.”

“You went to Danny’s games.” Evan argues. “And Maddie’s recitals.”

“Our jobs weren’t as demanding back then, sweetheart.” Their mother tells him.

“No, he’s right!” Daniel insists. “You had him to help me and then you realized you weren’t up for taking care of a third kid, you barely wanted the ones you had in the first place!”

“How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true, you got your nice little middle-class family and the second I wasn’t in danger of croaking anymore you decided to just leave us by ourselves.” He tells them both with a point of his finger. “You haven’t even bothered to try and raise him, Maddie and I did it for you.”

“Well, then maybe that’s the problem.” Phillip snaps. “Must be taking after you, because we sure as hell didn’t raise him to act like that.”

Daniel’s teeth grit together, he turns and yanks the front door open again. “Come on, Ev.”

“I don’t want him on that bike!” Margaret shouts after them.

“Didn’t want me on it either!” He calls back.

He makes his way over to the motorcycle, grabbing the helmet he kept in a compartment specifically for Evan. He’d gotten it for him for his twelfth birthday, just after getting the motorcycle. It’s bright red with blue flames along the sides, Evan had been ecstatic. Their mother, in turn, had gone ballistic. She forbid him to ever get on it, just like she had forbid Daniel from getting a bike in the first place. But they weren’t around enough to stop either of them.

The younger takes his helmet and shoves it on as Daniel sits down on the bike, putting on his own helmet. Evan climbs onto the back after Daniel pushes up the kickstand and starts it up again. It revs to life, and their mother stands just at the end of the porch looking at them with disapproval. He backs out of the driveway and takes off down the road, squeezing the handlebars angrily as they speed away.

~

He makes sure to keep Evan in sight as the younger sits at the food court eating his lunch. Daniel had stepped away to call Maddie, hoping that maybe they could stay with her for a little while. Just until they get an idea of what to do, just until Daniel can figure this all out. He doesn’t want to leave Evan with their parents, they’re not doing anything and the shit he’s doing isn’t getting any better.

The thing is, Maddie and Daniel ended up vastly different for a plethora of reasons. But mainly, Daniel started getting pissed off at a young age because he was treated different from his siblings. They smothered him, and for a while it really screwed up his and Maddie’s relationship. She resented him, for the way they fawned over him, never realizing that it bothered him just as much as it did her.

As he got older he did whatever he could to stick the pedestal they put him on right up their asses. He got in fights, got his ears pierced, he bought a motorcycle. He used the foulest language he could think of, because he was tired of hearing “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Maddie stopped hearing it, but it never really helped Evan any. He was always background noise, waved away at every chance they got.

The number of times that Maddie and Daniel had to pick up their slack, from bath time to babysitting. After a while it started to feel like they were the parents. And though they rarely saw eye-to-eye on things, specifically things to do with Evan, they both loved him just as much as they loved each other. So he figured that maybe she’d understand, that she’d be willing to help him.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, especially not with Evan. You can’t just run off with him.”

“Why the hell not? It’s not like they give a damn anyways, he’s a smear on their good name.” He insists. “Savior child turned hellion.”

“Don’t call him that.” Maddie sighs over the line.

“I’m serious, Mads, I’m really worried about what this is doing to his little psyche.” He sighs, leaning against the wall and running a hand through his hair.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“What are you going to say? Sorry mom and dad only made you for spare parts and then threw you aside, but you only gotta hold on for six more years?”

“Five.”

“Six, Mads, he’s getting held back this year.”

“Since when?” Maddie demands.

Daniel grits his teeth. “Since you ran off with your piece of shit boyfriend and left me to handle things!”

“Do not take this out on me.”

“I’m not staying there, and I’m not fucking leaving him.” He looks up to where Evan is, noting the slump of his shoulders and the dejected look on his face as he sits alone. “It’ll only get worse.”

“This is crazy, you think you can just take off with him and it’ll make him better?” She asks. “Move him to a new town, a new school, get another job at some mall and hope you make ends meet?”

“Not if you help us!” Daniel pleads. “Just for a few weeks, until I figure it out.”

“Look, I know.” Maddie tells him gently. “I know Evan is having a hard time but running away could only make it worse.”

“He’s hurting himself!”

Quiet, and then- “What do you mean?”

“N-Not like, like that…” He shakes his head, frustrated. “But you and I have four broken bones between us, and three of those were from the time I fell off the roof trying to get Evan’s kite when I was twelve.”

“I told you not to go up there.”

“He wouldn’t stop crying, what the hell else was I meant to do?” He stops himself, pinches the bridge of his nose. “He’s broken both arms, his collarbone, dislocated his shoulder, broken multiple fingers, and that’s not even counting the times he’s gotten stitches or bloodied himself up. Kid’s a walking accident, and it’s only getting worse.”

“He’s reckless and impulsive, I admit-”

“He climbed up a rain gutter on a dare,” Daniel waves his hand angrily. “He has no concern for his safety and despite mom and dad acting like they do they aren’t doing anything!”

“What do you want them to do?” Maddie asks.

“I dunno, stop being shitty parents?”

“What are you going do differently?” She questions, and when he groans, she continues. “I’m not trying to make you mad; I’m asking questions you aren’t thinking about. You take him and run, you get a job somewhere and work constantly to make ends meet. He’ll be left alone then too, just miles away from home in some shitty apartment.”

Daniel’s gaze is back to Evan, who looks up at around the same time. He waves, and Daniel waves back, tries not to look so upset. “Can we stay with you or not?”

“We have a two-bedroom apartment, a-and the second room is really small and cluttered.” She quickly says. “I-I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You don’t, or Doug?” Maddie is quiet on the other line; Daniel pushes off the wall. “Fine.”

“What are you going to do?”

“So you can snitch to mom and dad? No way.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.” Maddie scolds him.

“Just like you definitely didn’t pinky swear that it was us against the world.” He starts heading over back to the table where his brother is sitting.

“That’s not fair.”

“No, it isn’t.” Daniel snaps, then hangs up.

He reaches the table, pulling a chair out next to Evan and dropping down into it. He’s angry and feeling like he has nowhere to turn now, but he’s not even remotely ready to throw in the towel. He can feel Evan looking at him, so he turns his gaze over to the younger, gentling his expression.

“You haven’t finished your food.” He points out.

Evan looks down at his unfinished fries and chicken strips. “M’not that hungry. Who were you talking to?”

“Maddie.” He admits, reaching over and placing a hand on the back of his little brother’s neck.

“You seemed angry. Were you fighting?” He has such a timid little voice when he’s worried, Daniel squeezes his neck gently.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry I called you at work.”

“My shift was almost over.” He shrugs, leaning back in his chair. He reaches over and snags a fry out of Buck’s plate, popping it into his mouth. “Told you to call if you needed me.”

“Mom and dad were really mad.” He murmurs. “Dad said I should be in military school.”

The anger is back, hot and bubbling in his stomach. The thought of his baby brother being sent away at all let alone to military school makes his blood boil. “I’m not gonna let that happen.”

“They don’t listen to you.” He slouches in his seat. “They don’t listen to anyone.”

Daniel thinks about it for a moment, hand still resting soundly on Evan’s neck. “Evan, you can’t keep doing this shit, it’s dangerous.” He says quietly.

“I know.” Evan sighs, resigned.

“Do you?” He questions, then pulls his hand back to jostle his shoulder lightly. “Look at me, man.”

He does, expression sad and tired, more exhausted than a thirteen-year-old should ever have to look.

“All this reckless climbing and jumping and doing shit you’re too smart to be doing? It needs to stop.” He insists firmly. “I know there’s a lot going on in that massive mop-covered head of yours, but breaking your neck isn’t going to fix it.”

“Maybe it will.” Evan lowers his head.

“Absolutely the fuck not,” He snaps. “Don’t ever let me hear you say anything like that ever again, all right?”

“Whatever.”

“Not whatever, absolutely zero whatevers.” Daniel reaches out and pokes his little brother in the chest. “We’re a team, right?”

“Maddie left.”

Daniel tries not to feel even angrier with his sister. “I don’t mean her, I mean us.”

“You’re just gonna leave too,” Evan tells him with frustration. “Like Maddie.”

“I’m not gonna leave you, hey.” He reaches down and grabs his brother under the chin, forcing his head back up. “I’m gonna make it better, but you have to trust me.”

Evan nods his head. “What are you going to do?”

“Have a little faith, Ev.”

~

The school year is almost out, and Daniel makes a mental timer set for the first day of summer. He starts putting things together, making sure they have the money, all the supplies they need. He has to grit his teeth while his parents make comments about boarding school, military school. They’re especially ticked off about him having to repeat sixth grade, which they had been warned about at the beginning of the last semester. They had threatened whatever they could to pull his grades up, but Daniel knew that Evan wouldn’t be able to pull off straight A’s after struggling all year.

He’s a smart kid, Daniel knows he is with how much ridiculously lame and geeky trivia he keeps in that fat head of his. But his grades had been getting increasingly worse over time, and their parents demand only the best results. Maddie had made honor roll all through school, Daniel had maintained average grades himself. It was unprecedented to have a child in their house fail a grade, and they’re pissed. Confiscate his Gameboy and ban him from the TV, like that’s going to fix the fact that he’d be in sixth grade again.

Evan doesn’t know Daniel’s plan; he can’t risk him mouthing off. Maddie hadn’t ratted on him, and he felt bad about accusing her of possibly doing so. He’d apologize to her once they had taken off, maybe they’d drop by her work and say goodbye. He knows where their parents keep pretty much everything, so when they’re at work he manages to sneak off to their room and dig for important stuff. Birth certificates, social security cards, vaccination records. He takes it all from the lockbox beneath the bed in the master bedroom.

His friend owed him a favor, a big favor, so he easily took the keys to Daniel’s motorcycle and two-hundred bucks in exchange for his own beat-up suburban. He parks it up the street in the middle of the first day of summer, grabs his backpack, and then walks the rest of the way to the house. When he walks inside, it’s quiet, so he makes his way into the kitchen.

He has to put a stool against the fridge to reach the cupboard above it, not height but reach being the problem. Even his dad had to do this to get to the spare cash they keep in there. They put it in a jar, nicely folded up together in a roll with a rubber band. He tugs the wad loose and debates just taking the whole thing. It had to be at least two grand in cash, and it could really help them. But he’s never had the capacity for cruelty, so he steps down off the chair and starts unfolding the roll to figure out how much he’ll take.

“What are you doing?” He startles, turning his head to find Evan standing in nearby doorway. “That’s mom and dad’s emergency money.”

“I know.” He removes the rubber band and starts counting out bills in his head on the table.

“I didn’t hear your motorcycle.” The younger approaches the counter, placing his arms atop it and leaning forward.

“Evan,” He stops at three hundred, looking up at his brother. “Go get your suitcase and your backpack and pack your stuff.”

“Wh-What?” Evan frowns.

“Pack mostly your casual stuff but try to fit in your nice clothes too, as much as you can fit. I got a special case for your shampoo and deodorant, don’t forget your toothbrush.”

“Are we going to see Maddie?”

“We’re leaving, and we aren’t coming back.” He says quietly, hits five-hundred and debates stopping. “Mom’s home in t-minus three hours, so get your ass in gear.”

“Really?” Evan asks softly.

He looks up again, his brother’s expression is one of hope and fear and confusion. “I told you I wouldn’t leave you, now go.”

Evan practically sprints out of the kitchen, his footsteps bounding upstairs shortly afterwards. He stops at eight hundred dollars and folds the wad back up, leaving quite a chunk left. He puts the rubber band back on, gets on the chair, and puts the jar back up. He moves across the kitchen, opening a drawer and pulling out the notepad his mother makes grocery lists with and a pen.

_Dear mom and dad,_   
  
_I know you’ll be pissed when you read this, but I hope you can understand why I’m doing it. Evan and I are leaving, it’s in his best interest that he doesn’t live here anymore. Don’t come looking for us, and don’t bother Maddie about it because I won’t be telling her where we’re going either. I promised I would always take care of him, and I’m keeping that promise. You can tell everyone that I left for college and that you sent Evan to boarding school, whatever you want. I’m sure you’ll be much happier without us, as we’ll be happier without you._

_Goodbye, Daniel._

He leaves it on the middle of the counter in plain sight, drops the pen back into the drawer and closes it. Then, because he wants to make sure Evan packs correctly, he pockets the money and heads upstairs.

He’s already gotten his suitcase out, one of his drawers open as he moves from one place to the other. Things are already askew, he gets like this when he needs to prepare for something, frantic and disorganized. It’s like his brain has so many steps plotted out he can’t decide what to do first, so it all starts getting done at once and only partially correct in the process. He knew this would happen, which is why he set aside enough time and packed his own stuff beforehand.

“Sh-should I pack my swimsuit, and what about my winter coat? It’s kinda big.” He says, still holding the same shirt he’d grabbed out a moment ago but had yet to set it down anywhere yet despite walking back and forth.

“Okay, breathe.” He chuckles, stepping further into the room. “Set it out first, then pack it. You’ll need a lot of underwear and socks, so get those.”

Evan nods hesitantly, then moves to follow his instructions. Daniel starts adjusting what’s inside the suitcase already, two shirts and a pair of pants. He knows how to fold them up tight, so more things fit inside, so he does that. Evan starts laying stuff out on his bed beside the suitcase, still having a similar frantic energy but seeming surer of his movements.

“What about your stuff?” Evan questions.

“I packed last night.” He says, moving to open another drawer to determine which of Evan’s nicer clothes they should bring.

“How’s all this gonna fit on your bike?”

“Not taking the bike.” He mutters, pulls out a dark blue button down. “This still fit you?”

“Y-Yeah.” Evan replies, then pauses for a moment. “So, we’re taking the bus? Are you gonna leave your bike?”

“No, I got a different ride. Sold the bike.” He returns to the bed.

“You got rid of your motorcycle?” Evan asks, sounding positively devastated. “B-But you loved that bike.”

“Yeah well, between bike and brother, bike’s gotta go.” He shrugs, heading back over to the dresser. He turns his head to look back at Evan when he’s gone silent and still. “What’s with the mannequin routine, we gotta go, man.”

“It’s just…” Evan starts, staring down at the bed and faced away from him. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” He shrugs again. “Lead out of your tighty-whities, Ev, let’s go.”

It takes a while, but they get a good majority of Evan’s clothes in his suitcase and his toiletries all packed up. His backpack gets books, his Gameboy they took from their parents’ room, and an envelope of pictures that Evan had on his corkboard. Daniel pretends he doesn’t see the stuffed puppy that was once his that he gifted to Evan get removed from beneath a pillow and shoved into the backpack as well.

They’re starting to stare down with the end of the timer, and Daniel knows they have around thirty minutes, but he’d rather leave in ten to be safe. They make sure they have everything packed and head out the door, trying to move quickly down the street to shove their things in the Suburban. Nobody’s around right now, it seems. He just didn’t want anyone seeing the vehicle in the driveway and telling their parents what it looked like or getting a license plate.

Once all their belongings are packed up, Daniel makes one final sweep of the house. He drops their house keys in the bowl at the door, frowning down at them. There’s no turning back now, and though he’s scared shitless, he doesn’t regret a damn thing. He locks the door on the way out, and then walks back to the SUV.

Evan is sitting in the passenger seat when he approaches, looking scared but excited. “Ready?” He asks as Daniel climbs into the driver’s seat.

The Suburban smells like cigarettes, and there’s an odd stain in the backseat. It’s got a dent in the fender and the driver’s side door has a scratch in it, but it’s theirs and that’s all that matters. When he looks at his little brother, he takes in his face, just to try and capture the memory of this significant moment. Those chubby cheeks, pink splotch over his eye, the mop of blonde hair, and hopeful blue eyes. In that very moment, calm washes over him. Because he’s made a good decision, no matter what anyone else says, and he knows that.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

He starts the car up, and then they’re off.

_No_ , Danny reminds himself as Evan leans out the window, _we’re free_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this, leave a kudos or a comment if you did!
> 
> Also, the title is from the song of the same name. Don't Let It Get to You by Rostam Batmanglij. I highly recommend listening to it while reading because it captures a lot of the energy and essence of the story.


	2. Saying Goodbye

If it were up to Danny, they would have started off going south and just kept going until he felt safe enough to stop. Evan disagrees, and then suddenly they’re heading to Boston. They hadn’t seen Maddie in person since Evan’s birthday last year, when she showed up last minute for the evening. She got three separate phone calls from her nosey dipshit boyfriend, each that she took outside to talk with him for far too long. Honestly, Danny didn’t like the guy, he seemed really stuck up and a bit of a control freak.

Plus, he’s still a bit mad at Maddie for not helping them. He’s still a bit mad about her leaving them behind, but she had told him and Evan the day she took off that she knew everything would be fine. She had given Danny that look, that _please protect him_ look that he’s been on the other end of for years. Like homework wasn’t her thing, like she didn’t patch them both up when they got hurt, as if Evan didn’t go to her for nearly everything before all this.

She kept Danny in line with their parents, she played peacekeeper. Without her, things just kept getting worse. The arguments, the shouting matches, no water to put them out or take away the burn afterwards. Just hurt and pain and Danny feeling lost and alone while Evan stood behind him without the confidence to even speak.

Then she had the audacity to say leaving wasn’t an option, like Danny wasn’t shattering in silence almost as much as Evan was. Like he wasn’t spending nearly every moment in that house being a shield for his little brother. He was allowed to be angry with her, for not supporting them, for not helping them.

He thinks that Evan knows him almost as well as Maddie does, and realized that he can never stay mad at his big sister for very long when she’s standing in front of him. So, they park on her campus and he pulls out his cell phone, having turned it off earlier to avoid repeated calls and messages. It had been six hours since they left, and sun is slowly setting.

43 missed calls, seven voice messages, fifteen missed texts.

Freedom is starting to taste a little like anxiety as he presses his phone to his ear to hear the messages. Evan tugs on his arm, obviously wanting to hear, but Danny shakes his head and presses his free hand to his other ear to hear more clearly.

“Daniel, it’s your mother. I don’t know what sort of sick joke this is, but you’d better pick up your phone right now. I mean it!”

“This is your mother, pick up the phone, Daniel. If you think this will be over so easily you are sorely mistaken. You two get home right this instant!”

“Daniel, it’s your father. I have no idea what’s possessed you to do something so damn stupid, you have no idea what’s in Evan’s best interest. Call us, right now, and get home.”

He listens to a couple more increasingly angry voicemails until the last one.

“Danny, it’s Maddie. I cannot believe you’ve done this; mom and dad are freaking out. They could call the cops and have you arrested for kidnapping! Please pick up your phone.”

He presses the return call button, then slowly leans back in his seat with a sigh. Evan is sitting impatiently next to him, straining to listen but fidgeting nervously all the while.

“Thank god, I called you like ten times, and I was starting to think you were dead in a ditch somewhere.” Maddie answers in a huff.

“You sound like mom saying that.” Danny replies easily.

“Don’t even go there right now.” She tells him firmly. “Mom and dad are going ballistic, where are you?”

“Let’s see…” He leans forward, squinting out the windshield to see against the dying light. “Visitor’s parking, E Lot. Seems like a pretty good school, Mads.”

“Oh my god, you’re on campus?” Movement on the other line, the jingle of tell-tale keys. A quiet conversation on the other side of the line.

“Don’t tell the prick, he might just call mom and dad and tell them himself like he told on you for nursing school.” He insists.

“Don’t bring him either!” Evan calls loudly, Danny shoots him a small smile.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, just stay there.” Maddie says with irritation.

“Sure, we can hang. Not like we’re wanted criminals on the run.” He looks over at Evan with a quirk of his eyebrow and a teasing smile, the boy snickering quietly.

“I mean it, Danny, stay put.”

“Yes mom—I mean ma’am.” He teases.

“You two are _so_ dead.”

She hangs up, and Danny allows himself his first laugh in what feels like eons. When he looks over at Evan, the younger is smiling brightly. He feels a lot better like this, despite all the uncertainty that could easily lie ahead. Evan was in a lot more danger at home than he’d ever be on the road with Danny.

They kill time in the car for a few minutes, Evan pulls out his Gameboy and Danny watches him over his shoulder. A few cars come and go, but Danny takes notice when one carefully pulls into the lot and starts slowly rolling through it.

“I think that’s us.” He murmurs, opening his door and climbing out.

It’s good to stretch his legs after being in a car for six hours, but they would probably have to start heading back the way they came after this. Back through Pennsylvania, and then beyond that, he didn’t know. Anywhere, everywhere, was better than that home, those people.

The car pulls up and Danny spots Maddie in the driver’s seat. Evan moves around the front of the car, stepping in front of Danny to wave at their sister as she pulls into a nearby spot. The engine goes out, and then Maddie is getting out of the car. Evan rushes to meet her, pulling her into a tight hug that she gives into without hesitation.

“Did you steal the SUV as well as our brother?” She asks.

“Traded my bike for it, got the papers and everything.” He assures, holding up the keys and rattling them for emphasis.

“What have you two done?” She sighs, ruffling Evan’s hair.

“I’m not staying there anymore.” Danny shrugs, leaning back against the car.

“You don’t have to, but Evan-”

Evan cuts her off, stepping back from her. “I don’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to leave too!”

“You’re a minor, Danny could get in serious trouble for leaving with you.” She then looks back up at Danny. “If mom and dad sic the cops on you-”

“They aren’t gonna do that.” Danny says firmly.

“Custodial interference at best, and that’s five months in prison.” She tells him seriously, concern shining in her eyes. “Kidnapping at worst, and that can get you twenty years.”

“Why the hell would they call the cops? Subject themselves to the humiliation of their golden child being thrown in prison, no fucking way.” He scoffs.

“How are you going to put him in school? Wh-Where are you going to go?”

“We got the whole summer to figure it all out, but I have all his documents.” He tells her. “I’ve got money, I’m not a little kid anymore, Mads.”

“You’re nineteen years old, you’ve never even lived by yourself and now you want to add to it by becoming a single parent?” She hisses. “This is irresponsible.”

“God, you know you are so mom.” Danny says with a nod of his head, talking over her angry objection. “No, _no_ , always telling me what to do and saying you know better than me! How about you let me make my own goddamn choices for once without ragging on me?”

“Because this isn’t just a situation that could hurt you, it could hurt Evan!” She reaches up and presses her fingers to her temple. “You need to go home.”

“No!” Evan snaps, hands balling into fists. “I can’t go back there, I won’t! And even if you get Danny to take me back, I’ll just run away by myself because otherwise they’re just going to send me away.”

“Evan, I know you’re having a hard time.” She tells him sympathetically.

“You left us! How can you know anything?” He demands, tears in his eyes. “They don’t care about me, you know that! And since you left, they hate me even more!”

“They don’t hate you.” Maddie assures, reaching out to him, but he steps back into Danny’s space.

“They do, and all you wanted to do was leave cause you do too!” Tears spill over his reddened cheeks.

“Hey,” Danny grabs him by the shoulder, and then Buck is diving into his arms and clinging to him, starting to shake with quiet sobs.

He looks up at Maddie, who seems distraught at his brother’s words. He reaches down and slides his hands underneath Evan’s arms, lifting him up to hug him better. He hasn’t done it in a while, Evan’s far too big for it, but he wraps his legs around his brother’s waist all the same. He can still remember the way he used to run right up to Danny after school, leaping into his arms without reserve.

“Nobody hates you, buddy.” He promises quietly, holding his brother like he was a child much younger, because sometimes it felt like he was. Stunted emotionally and socially it felt like sometimes, and maybe that’s why he struggled so badly.

“I could never hate you, Ev.” Maddie has stepped closer, rubbing Evan’s back hesitantly at first and then with more confidence when he didn’t seem to react. “Okay, I-I get it.”

Danny looks to her, feeling somehow relieved, that little kid in him still looking for his big sister’s approval. “Yeah?”

“I know how they are; I’m just worried about you guys on your own.” She sniffs, blinking back tears of her own.

“You always took care of us.” Danny says quietly, grunts under his breath as he adjusts Evan in his grip. He’ll have to let him down in about a minute, but he knows how messed up Evan’s been so he’ll offer whatever comfort he can, he’s always a sucker for those tears. “Can’t blame you for being protective.”

Maddie reaches up, curls her fingers in Danny’s messy dirty blonde hair before pulling back to cup his cheek. “You’ll have to be the grown-up, if you do this.”

He slowly lets go of Evan, lets him slide in his grip until he’s back to standing. Danny keeps an arm around him, holding him to his side. He’s wrung out, Danny wishes they could just go back to Maddie’s apartment and crash. But he knows Doug will be there, and he’s got dickwad written in capital letters across his forehead on a good day. He doesn’t trust the guy not to call the cops, even if he still trusts Maddie.

“Come with us.” He says quietly.

Maddie seems to startle, wet eyes widening slightly. “Wh-What?”

He reaches out to take her hand, squeezing it gently in his own. “That guy’s destined to be Doctor Dickhead and you know it, you aren’t happy here.”

“I can’t just leave,” She shakes her head, gingerly pulling her hand away. “I-I have to finish school, and you don’t know him like I do.”

“Come with us, Maddie, please?” Evan reaches out to her this time and she takes his hand with her own.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” She pushes forward to hug them both. “But I’ll check in, a-and we’ll see each other again sometime soon.”

They stand there, in the fading light of the parking lot, holding each other. It feels like an end more so than a beginning now, parting ways once more in a manner that seems far more permanent than it should. Danny squeezes her tight and dips down to bury his face into her shoulder, tries to memorize what she smells like. She used to be so much bigger than him, but now he’s got nearly a foot on her.

So much has changed, but for a second they’re the little kids they used to be. The united front has been reunited, if only for a brief and fleeting moment.

“I love you so much, be careful, okay?” Maddie pulls back with tears on her face, sniffling slightly as she reaches to wipe the dampness from both of their faces to no avail.

“Bye Maddie,” Evan goes in for another hug, and she squeezes him tight as Danny looks away to silently wipe at his face with the back of his wrist.

“You be good for Danny, okay? Medical bills are expensive, and Danny doesn’t have 5-figure salary smarts.”

Danny flips her off, but there’s a smile on his face as his siblings let out watery chuckles. Maddie steps back from Evan, who seems reluctant to let her go. Danny knows the feeling; he’s associated her with safety for a long time. More reliable and steady than their parents ever had been. But he reaches out and pulls Evan back, wrapping an arm around his neck from behind gently.

“I’ll call mom and dad, try to talk them down from calling the cops.” She says with a heavy sigh. “Where are you heading?”

“No idea,” Danny returns the sigh, shrugging. “Which means we should go. Go get in the car, man.”

“Okay,” Evan hesitates despite the small push he’s given, waving at Maddie as he repeats himself once more. “Bye Maddie.”

“Bye, buddy.” She smiles, something heartfelt but full of pain.

Evan disappears around the car and climbs back into the passenger seat, leaving the elder Buckley siblings alone. Danny leans back into the car, not yet moving to do the same. “Sure, you don’t want to come with? We got room.”

Maddie shakes her head, sad. “No.”

“Worth a shot.” He mutters. “Don’t let him treat you badly, all right? He gets too much of an attitude you kick his ass to the curb.”

“Okay,” She nods, and then Danny is rushing forward into his big sister’s arms again.

“I love you too.” He mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut as tears sting his eyes again.

“Protect him, okay?” Maddie reaches up to ruffle his hair, the same way she had Evan’s.

“I will.” He pulls away, taking a step back. “Seeya, Mads.”

“Bye, Dan.”

Maddie moves back to her respective vehicle and Danny forces himself to turn away and climb back into the Suburban. Evan is leaned against the passenger side door, appearing deflated. Danny shuts his door and turns his head to wave at Maddie one last time before she drives off. He sticks the keys in the ignition but doesn’t turn them yet.

“Nobody hates you, Evan.” He says quietly. “Mom and dad are shitty people and shitty parents, they don’t hate you, you just don’t fit in their cookie cutter idea of a family.”

“I never fit in.” Evan grunts under his breath.

“You fit in with me.” Danny reminds him quietly. “And Maddie.”

“Where are we gonna go?” He leans back, finally glancing over at Danny.

“Let’s just start putting distance between us and Boston, I don’t want to risk being too close to here.” He turns the keys, the engine rumbles to life.

“Do you think mom and dad will actually call the cops?” Evan buckles his seatbelt, Danny follows suit.

“Nah, they’ll be pissed but they won’t actually do anything.” He says with a sigh, looking back to check and see if anyone’s behind them. “I say we get a few more hours in and then stop for the night.”

“Like at a hotel?”

“Seats fold down in the back, I packed blankets and pillows.” He explains as they back out. “Gotta start saving now wherever we can.”

“Like camping.” Evan suggests, because he’s a good kid like that.

Danny can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, like camping.”

He puts both hands on the wheel as they hit the road, preparing himself for another long drive. He woke up early, but he could probably drive until later tonight. They would have to find somewhere to park eventually, but Evan could climb into the back whenever. He wishes they didn’t have to head back through Pennsylvania, doesn’t want them anywhere near their parents.

As if the mere thought of the two alerted them, his phone begins to ring again. He knows who it is, and he digs it out of his pocket, already thinking of turning it off. Instead, he spots Evan looking at it apprehensively, almost unsure. He holds the phone out between them.

“You want me to take it?” Danny questions.

“They’re just worried.” Evan says quietly, twisting his hands in his seatbelt anxiously. “When people worry, they get mad and yell, and then they feel bad about it later. It means they care about you.”

“Who told you that?” He frowns.

“Maddie.” Evan reaches hesitantly for the phone.

“Put it on speaker.” He says, though he doesn’t feel great letting the other take the phone. He doesn’t want his little brother thinking that anyone could just lose their temper with him and then make it up to him with presents or whatever the hell else without any concrete change in their behavior.

When the phone picks up, Evan quickly switches it to speakerphone, sinking back in his seat.

“Daniel, are you there? Answer me.” It’s their father.

“Hey pops,” He squeezes the steering wheel in his hands.

“Where the hell are you?! What possessed you to do something like this? You’re smarter than this!” His voice is a hissed noise, and Daniel quickly realizes that he must be trying to keep their mother from overhearing.

“Look, Evan just wanted you to know we’re safe.” He says, maintaining indifference in his tone.

“You’ve made your mother cry, do you know that? Does Evan?”

Daniel can briefly see the glimpse of guilt on Evan’s face in the corner of his eyes, he clenches his jaw. “How about all the times she made him cry?”

His father makes an objective spluttering noise, then sighs. “Evan’s a child, children cry.”

“No, don’t give me that bullshit right now, dad.” He insists firmly. “He’s a person, not a toy, not a pet that you can control.”

“I don’t know where we went wrong with you, Daniel.” Phillip sighs. “You were such a good kid.”

“There’s a difference between being perfect and being a good kid.”

“We never expected you to be perfect.”

“You expected conformity, to your expectations, to your desires. You chased Maddie off and now she’s with that piece of shit.” He says, trying to keep the edge of anger out of his voice and failing. “And now you’ve lost us.”

“Just come home, we can talk about this.” Phillip tells him.

“I want to go with Danny.” Evan speaks up, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

“Evan, is that you?” Phillip asks. “Son, whatever this is, we can work through it.”

“No, we can’t!” He insists. “You want to send me away, and we’re going away, it’s what you wanted.”

“We just want what’s best for you.”

“I want to go with Danny.” Evan repeats himself.

“You obviously need more help than we realized,” Phillip says. “Both of you, just come home.”

“Tell me you love me.” Evan says, which seems to stun Phillip as much as it does Danny. “Say it.”

After a moment, Phillip speaks. “Of course I do, son.”

“No, _say it_!” Evan snaps. “I love you, Evan. Say it.”

“I love you, Evan.” His father says, Danny glances away from the windshield to see his little brother’s gaze distant, eyes clouded over with tears.

“Ev?” Danny murmurs.

“You’re lying…” Evan says, voice wet with tears. He turns his head towards Danny. “Say it, Danny.”

“Wh- Evan…” He looks back to the road, thinks about reaching for the phone, ending the conversation. He’s never seen Evan like this, angry and upset, sure, but not this quiet rage. 

“I love you, Evan.” Evan insists.

“Course, I love you, buddy.” He promises quietly. “I love you.”

“Maddie says it like that too.” Evan sniffs, reaching up to wipe at his eyes. “Bye dad.”

He flips the phone shut and throws it onto the dashboard. The car is quiet aside from Evan’s heavy breaths, his occasional congested sniff as he glares out the window. Danny reaches over without looking away from the road again, squeezes his brother’s shoulder and lets his hand slide down his arm. He rests his hand in the crook of Evan’s elbow.

“I think you were right.” Evan says quietly. “They don’t hate me; they’d have to care about me to do that.”

It hits him like a punch to his solar plexus, to hear something so devastating come from someone he loves more than nearly anyone else in the world. The worst part is, he can’t even really argue that it’s not true. His parents never attached to Evan like they had to Daniel, to Maddie. He thinks that maybe they only really loved Danny because they thought they were going to lose him, and that maybe his sickness kept them from ever focusing on Evan long enough to attach. Sometimes it felt like they were objects, pieces of furniture to be polished and kept clean and unbroken.

They hadn’t wanted another child, not until Danny was sick. They wanted a boy and a girl and that was it, their perfect family. But then Danny had gotten leukemia, and though he doesn’t remember everything so vividly he remembers that time better than most of his childhood. Back then, he didn’t really understand that they had Evan to be a donor. He just figured it was a bonus benefit of having another kid, that his parents wanted another child and were just finding another option available in the process.

When he was born, they harvested stem cells from his umbilical cord blood for treatment. Luckily, they took, because Danny had been bad off. The few months before Evan was born are little more than cloudy images of treatment and being sick and struggling, his parents didn’t like to talk about it, but Maddie was honest with him. How mom and dad used to sit and cry at his bedside, how he had trouble staying awake even during the day, how he looked near death, how he _was_ near death.

Danny hadn’t cared if Evan had something to offer him, he had just wanted to hold his baby brother. He remembered wanting nothing more than to be a big brother. And the day it had come, he’d been in the same damn hospital, nauseous and tired but so excited to finally meet his baby brother. That he remembered, how small he was. He had never seen such a tiny little creature, pink and wrinkled and loud. He’d gotten to hold him and knew that even though he was really sick and in pain, it was worth it all just to see his little brother.

He wanted to pack as much bonding in as long as he could, because even though he hadn’t really understood death when he was diagnosed at six, he came to understand it by the time Evan was around. It meant leaving, going away and not seeing his parents or siblings anymore. He hadn’t been afraid throughout his whole sickness, but he had burst into tears the second he realized he might not get to stick around and get to know his new baby brother.

He’s never taken his chance to do so for granted, not once.

And maybe, because of Evan, his relationship with Maddie had changed. She had always been protective of Danny, and he of her. He always would be of course, but their focus shifted the day Evan was born. It had been a grueling six years of illness before Danny was better. But he thinks sometimes that it was his will to stick around and see Evan roll over, sit up, walk, talk, near the end that kept him here. Maddie had taken great pride in it too, she loved babies, Danny just loved Evan.

He never knew how his parents didn’t want to hang the moon and stars for the kid, he always had. Maddie had always known more than him, how to kiss bumps and bruises better, how to help with homework, how to explain the intricacies of life. It came easy to her, not so easy to Danny though. Maddie never taught Danny how to be nurturing, he hadn’t had a clue how to do anything remotely like that. She’d just left, and he’d had to try and model after her.

And now, here they are leaving home, and he still has no clue what the hell he’s doing. But he knows how to love his brother, and that’s more than his parents could ever truthfully say.

“We don’t need’em.” He tells Evan quietly.

Evan moves his opposite hand to his elbow where Danny’s hand is, his fingers resting on the older boy’s knuckles like he’s scared he’ll pull away. When he doesn’t, he wraps his fingers around Danny’s palm, and the tension starts to ease from his body. He keeps his hand there for a long time, even after Evan’s chin has tipped forward to rest on his chest, his breaths deep and even.

Maybe at that point, it’s more for him than it is for Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did make sure to leave a comment!


	3. Getting By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning at the bottom.

At first, they had discussed somewhere out on the west coast. California, Oregon, somewhere warm with beaches. It’s different and new and Evan shines brightly when they talk about the ocean. He’d never seen the ocean, and though Danny knows that they had gone to the beach before he got sick, he doesn’t remember it. It’s a good idea for a fresh start, but ideas don’t always mean reality.

The thing is that they wanted to travel just a little bit, have some fun. Danny’s buddy Kyle had talked about the Great Lakes and how beautiful it was up there. So, they ended up heading further north first, just taking the world in after not having seen much aside from their town. After Danny got sick, their parents developed a lot of paranoia, specifically their mother. The only place they went out of town for since Evan’s birth was their mother’s sister’s house upstate, and that had only been after her husband died a few years back.

They’re drifting and having fun and Danny is propelled into the unknown by the simplicity of it all. Of driving and sightseeing and just being able to breathe for once, away from all the negative thoughts and energy at home. Their mother had still been calling, though in that first week it had lessened from multiple times a day to once. Danny still had yet to talk to her, he really didn’t want to. She would just guilt him, talk about breaking her heart.

They’re passing through Wisconsin when the Suburban starts making funny noises, and it breaks down just after they get into Minnesota. It derails their cross-country trip fast, because paying for the repairs takes a good hunk out of the money Danny had accumulated. They aren’t broke or anything like that, but the significant depletion brings him back down to earth, shatters the euphoria.

He had been afraid of Evan’s reaction, of popping the bubble he’d been living in. But he took it decently well, disappointed but understanding. Their lives are anything but perfect, and Evan knows how money works and that Danny is just one person. They’re sleeping in an SUV, had taken to going to public pools just so they could use the showers afterwards. It had been fine for a little while, but he knows they need permanency.

Evan needs a home, he needs stability.

Danny starts looking for a job, debates moving a little further, but doesn’t think it’ll make much difference. Evan helps him scour newspapers, they discuss career options, and he starts to feel the pressure. He hadn’t thought about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, not in a while. He’d just been doing whatever, hanging around at home trying to keep his parents from suffocating Evan.

He hasn’t ever longed to be something, simply because he’d been living on the high that he was merely alive and that was enough. And then he got older, and Maddie left and all he could think about was making sure Evan was taken care of. He worked jobs for money, not for pleasure, and there weren’t really any hobbies of him that constituted as a reliable career. It’s not like he could make money off riding dirt bikes or skateboarding.

He talks to Evan, really talks to him. Because he’s always been honest with Evan and listened to him, but he doesn’t think he’s ever had the time or will to discuss anything like this with anyone. They were in the back of the car late one night, after the newspaper ads have been discarded and they had hunkered down in their makeshift beds.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, then?” He asked, tired of the conversation being on him.

“I don’t know,” Evan had sighed. “I wanna be something that means something.”

And for some reason, that made a lot of sense. Simple, but meaningful. To have a purpose, however small that purpose might be.

Two days later, they had seen an ad about firefighter training. Took four months, but they paid working wages throughout it because it took forty-something hours a week to complete. Evan had pointed it out, and it just felt like a sign. He’d never thought of himself as a firefighter, but the second it entered his head, he couldn’t get it off his mind.

So he signed up, and then suddenly, Danny was making something of himself. For Evan and for _himself_ , this time.

At first he hesitated to leave Evan alone, especially for so long. But they slowly started to find good solutions instead of him hanging out in the parking lot all day. He uses some of his first paycheck to buy Evan his own phone, switches them over to a different plan that’s not connected to their parents. It’s something that seems to give Evan a bit of independence that he thinks neither of them realized he was looking for. 

A park about ten minutes from the training center is within walking distance of an arcade, and a few cheap places to eat. He drops Evan in front of the park with money for lunch along with his skateboard and helmet and sets him loose on the town. And after training, he comes back, and they have dinner in the car while Danny tells him all about his day and Evan tells him about his.

He’s made a few acquaintances at the training center, but he tries not to talk too much about himself. He doesn’t want anyone knowing the details of the situation. Sure, Evan is fed and clean, but Danny isn’t his legal guardian and they’re living in a car.

One afternoon, he’s waiting parked in his usual spot near the park, feeling exceptionally tired. The training is rigorous, and he’s only halfway through. He’d started bulking up slightly, his t-shirt sleeves feeling snug around his biceps and pants fitting a little snugger than they used to in certain areas. He feels good about it, it makes him feel safer somehow.

When Evan skates down the sidewalk towards him, helmet unbuckled but at least still affixed to his head, Danny watches him. It’s only been a little under three months since they left home, but he looks older too. Taller, or maybe he’s just standing straighter now. He moves with more confidence, stopping his skateboard short and using his foot to send it up into his hand.

Danny turns the engine back on, and the back door opens before Evan is scrambling up inside and throwing his skateboard somewhere further into the back. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He notes right then that Evan has something else with him. “What’s that?”

“Oh, there’s a library a few blocks away. I got a card.” He digs into his pocket, pulling out the little piece of plastic to show it to him.

“Nice,” He can’t help but smile tiredly. “What’d you get?”

“Sci-fi novel—oh, and this one about what it’s like to be a firefighter.” He hands that one over to Danny.

“Oh yeah?” He looks at the cover, skimming some of the pages idly. “You want to be a firefighter too?”

“Maybe.” Evan shrugs, kneeling behind his seat and wrapping his arms around the headrest. “Or maybe I can just help you study, if you need it.”

“Sounds good.” He murmurs, handing the book back.

“Long day?”

“Endless.” He slouches forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Pizza?” Evan asks.

“Genius selection as always, sir.” He rubs his eye. “I would kill for a slice right now, let’s go. Front and buckled.”

“It’s just a block away.” Evan says, though he scrambles up over the middle console and into the passenger seat.

“If I walk another step, my leg bones are going to turn to dust.”

Evan laughs, buckling his seatbelt. There’s quiet for a moment, he can tell that Evan is lost in thought. Usually, he’s already talking about his day or asking Daniel about his.

“Danny?” There it is.

“Mm-hm?” He leans back into his seat as he gets onto the road, using one hand to steer.

“School starts next month.” He says quietly.

“Yeah, I know. I contacted the local middle school to see what the enrollment process is like.” He admits, rubbing his free hand over his mouth.

“And?”

“I need to talk to mom and dad and get their permission.” He murmurs.

“What?”

“I can’t just enroll you without being your legal guardian and I can’t file for legal guardianship without getting mom and dad to sign off on it.” He explains to Evan, pulling up into the small parking area in front of the pizza place.

“What if they don’t?”

“I-I’d have to take them to court and show that they were… abusive or neglectful and prove that I could provide a stable home for you.” 

“You can do that!”

“We live in a car, buddy.” He sighs. “Not to mention I don’t even have the money for a down payment on an apartment let alone for an attorney.”

“Well, then I’ll just… I won’t go to school yet.” Evan says simply. “If they won’t let us then I’ll just wait until we have a place to stay and then we can say that I want to live with you.”

Danny wishes it were that simple. “You can’t miss out on school, you’re already behind.”

“I’ll teach myself, at the library!” Evan urges. “School sucks at teaching me anyways, I’ll get books and study in the car all day if I have to!”

“N-No, Ev,” He chuckles tiredly.

“Danny, please!” Evan grabs him suddenly, and he looks over to find his brother looking at him with a frantic expression. “I don’t want to go home; I want to stay with you!”

Danny shakes his head. “I’m not-”

Evan cuts him off again, shaking him. “I’ll kill myself if you bring me back!”

It’s like all the air gets sucked from the car, both boys are breathing heavily now. Evan’s hands are in white fists, holding tight to Danny’s jacket. They just stare at each other, and Danny tries to find some semblance of a lie in the younger boy’s face.

He’s hoping for a backtrack, for Evan to scramble and say he doesn’t mean it, but his gaze seems to solidify. “I’ll kill myself, Danny… I-I won’t go back there."

He’s honestly at a loss for words, he’s exhausted and feeling more helpless than ever. But this little boy is looking at him with determination and pushing him into a corner he has no idea how to get out of. Evan lets go of his jacket and sinks back against the door, sitting sideways in his seat.

Danny breathes, lets himself process for a second. Then, carefully, he picks it back up. “You thinking about hurting yourself, Ev?”

“No, not since we left.” Evan shakes his head, avoiding his eyes. “But at home with mom and dad, sometimes.”

“Sometimes.” Danny echoes, trying the word out on his numb tongue.

“Forget it.” Evan adjusts in his seat, reaching for the door handle.

Danny reaches out and grabs his hand, stopping him. “Be real with me, man. All those times you got hurt, did you do that on purpose?”

“No,” Evan says immediately, firmly. “I didn’t want to get hurt or nothin’.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I didn’t plan it,” Evan’s eyes are on the glove compartment, his fingers drumming anxiously on his thigh.

“But?”

“I’d just be so mad,” He admits quietly. “They wouldn’t pay any attention to me; it was like something was wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” Danny quickly snaps.

“Sometimes it would just happen,” Evan murmurs. “I just wanted them to look at me.”

“Okay,” Danny breathes, reaching out and carding a hand through his little brother’s hair. “I’m not bringing you home, but… I need to talk to mom and dad, maybe Maddie.”

“Okay.” Evan tries for the door again; Danny grabs his shoulder.

“You’d tell me, if you wanted to hurt yourself, right?” He asks seriously. “If you started feeling like that again.”

“It’s different now.” Evan says, but Danny just squeezes his shoulder.

“But you’d tell me, right?”

“I-I guess.” He shrugs, glancing away uncomfortably. “But it’s not like that anymore.”

“Okay,” He lets Evan go, watching him climb out of the car.

Danny hesitates for a moment, watching his brother through the windshield, until Evan smacks a hand down on the hood and gestures at him. The older boy gets out onto sore legs, still thinking about the conversation. He had to get in touch with Maddie and his parents, he had to make sure this would work.

~ 

They had just finished their last training session for the day and his hair is still dripping from the shower. He’d been hesitant to cut it, had been growing it out for a good year or so now, but shorter hair looked more professional. He’s glad for it now, having missed the feeling of cool air on his neck even when he’s hot and sweaty. Evan had laughed at him when he showed up with it cut but told him it was a good look on him anyway.

“Yo, Danny!” His head shoots up, watching one of his classmates, Tyler Lewellen, who had been dubbed Lewy within the first week simply because there was another Tyler.

“Yeah?”

“There’s a kid asking for you, says it’s an emergency.” The young man jerks his thumb behind him.

Danny’s stomach drops, he finishes knotting the laces on his shoe and hurries out of the room. Lewy leads the way down the stairs and the hall before turning into the foyer of the center. Immediately, he locks eyes on the boy sitting hunched up on the bench. He’s got his backpack and his skateboard, his helmet sitting next to him.

“Evan!”

Evan leaps to his feet, face reddened and eyes watering as he clutches his arm to his chest. “I-I didn’t mean to, I fell.”

As Danny gets closer, he realizes Evan’s chin is bloody and scraped up, and it looks like the knee of his jeans are torn. He reaches up his hands to tilt his brother’s head back, looking at the scratch on his chin. It’s not too deep, not a problem. He’s learned a lot of first aid in the academy already, so he’s not afraid to take his brother’s elbow to try and see his wrist.

“Let me see.” He gingerly pulls Evan’s sleeve up, grimacing at his quiet hiss of pain. “What happened?”

“I was riding a-and there was this stupid fucking rock.” He tells him weakly.

“Watch the mouth, sailor.” Danny scolds quietly, observing the swelling of his wrist carefully.

“You say it all the time.” Evan grumbles.

“I’m not thirteen, so zip it, mop-head.” He sits Evan down, crouching in front of him. “Can you move your fingers?”

“A little.” He flexes his fingers gingerly, wincing as he does so.

“Try to move it, carefully.” He instructs, watching as the other follows his command.

“What if it’s broken?” Evan asks after a quiet whimper of pain, there are tears in his eyes.

“I don’t think so,” He sighs, reaching up and rubbing at his face.

“Everything all right here, Buckley?” He turns his head, finding his instructor walking across the floor.

“My brother fell off his skateboard, sir.” He admits. “Evan, this is one of my teachers, Mr. Reiman.”

“Fell off his skateboard and ran straight to big brother,” The mustached man gets a bit of humor in his eyes. “Didn’t want mom to find out?”

“No, sir.” Evan says quietly, holding out his wrist for the man to see when he reaches out his own seeking hand for approval.

Danny feels much better having his instructor look at it considering the man is an experienced EMT. Reiman goes through a few quick questions, getting Evan to move his wrist and fingers. After a minute or so, he shakes his head with a sigh. “Probably have to cut it off.”

“What?!” Evan’s expression is one of horror, Danny can’t help but snort.

“I’m just kidding, kid.” Reiman chuckles, letting go of Evan’s wrist. “You sprained it.”

“O-Oh, I knew that.” Evan leans back in his seat, though he does look a shade paler.

“Go on and get your brother home, Buckley.” Reiman stands to his full height. “What’s the recommended treatment plan for a sprain?”

“Rest, ice, compression, and elevation.” Danny recites.

“Good, now hop to it.” He smacks Danny on the shoulder, waving him away. “Nice to meet you, Evan.”

“You too, sir.”

They head out of the building together, Danny carrying Evan’s backpack and skateboard. They’re halfway out to the car when a voice calls out to them. “Danno!”

He turns his head, smirking as he watches another of his classmates, Shawn Myers, racing out to meet them. Shawn’s a good guy, probably the first one he’d claim to be genuine friends with here. He tries not to get too close to all of them, doesn’t want anyone prying or sticking their noses in his business. It’s unlikely that anyone he meets will end up working with him eventually, they’ll all get split off to different firehouses most likely.

But Shawn, Shawn’s funny and cool, and it feels like he’s always got a grin on just for Danny. It’s nice.

“You forgot your bag, jackass.” He holds it up, a little out of breath.

“Thanks.” He turns his head and helps put Evan’s backpack on his shoulder so he can take his own bag. “Go get in the car and turn on the engine, get some A/C.”

“Okay,” His little brother looks tired, probably walked the whole damn way to the training center like a damn fool. He could crash in the backseat for a while later, maybe Danny would drive them around a bit, that always sent him right to sleep. Gave Danny the thinking space he needed too.

Danny watches him walk away for a moment, then turns back to Shawn, adjusting the skateboard under his arm and the duffel strap on his shoulder. “Thanks again.” He says with a small nod.

The shorter man nods back, still eyeing Evan a little bit. “Sure, man. So uh, that’s your brother?”

“Oh, yeah. Kid’s a walking scab.” He sighs, tries not to think about how they’d have to discuss self-harm again, just to make sure he hadn’t done this on purpose somehow.

“Real sweet though, you guys live together?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah.” He nods slowly, glances back, though Evan’s already scrambled his way into the Suburban. “I have custody of him, actually.” He says.

“No shit?” Shawn says with a small nod. “How old is he?”

“Thirteen.”

“Christ,” Shawn reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, looking up at Danny. “Parents aren’t around?”

“No,” He replies shortly, adjusts his bag again. “I gotta go, man. See you tomorrow?”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” He waves a hand at Danny awkwardly.

When Danny climbs into the car, Evan’s got the passenger seat reclined slightly. He’s still holding his wrist to his chest, but he must have found something to wipe his face with because some of the blood is gone from his chin. He looks over at Danny cautiously as he gets in and shuts the door.

“Is that one of your friends?” Evan murmurs.

“Did you do this on purpose?” It comes out of Danny like an alien bursting from his chest, an accusation of epic proportions, but not an uncalled for one.

“I said it was an _accident_!” Evan tells him.

“You say that all the time,” Danny plants a hand on the wheel, turning to look at his brother.

“It’s the truth this time!” Evan sits up.

Danny points a finger at him, giving the younger a warning look. “You’d better not lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” Evan snaps, scowling at him.

“Swear it?” He asks. “On your grave?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Evan nods his head, then looks away. “I swear o-on—I swear on Muffin.”

Danny can’t help the surprised laugh that escapes him, and he can see the amusement catching at Evan’s lips too. Muffin was the name of Danny’s stuffed dog he’d gifted to Evan. He’d named the stupid thing himself, but he’d only been probably four at the time. The name stuck, but Evan can’t say shit because the worn-out old thing is currently in the wad of blankets and pillows in the back somewhere.

He hadn’t realized Evan was sleeping with it still but sleeping in the same car together he quickly realized it wasn’t just a keepsake. He hadn’t said a damn thing because Evan doesn’t need that kind of judgement. He figured any thirteen-year-old boy still sleeping with a stuffed animal needed all the comfort he could get. Besides, girls sleep with stuffed animals when they’re older, he’d dated a few girls who had stuffed animals on their bed and stuff. Boys could do it too, equality and all that shit.

But he knows Muffin is a serious business, had been when they were kids, and still is now.

“Okay, on Muffin.” Danny allows, leaning back with a sigh. “You eat lunch yet?”

“No,” Evan adjusts in his seat.

“Okay, we’ll get some stuff for that wrist and then get lunch.” He adjusts his A/C vent, and then they’re backing out to leave.

“When are we gonna get an apartment?” Evan asks a few minutes later on the road.

“Soon, man, I promise. I’m just worried about getting a lease and then not being able to get a job in the area.” He explains.

“Oh.” Evan nods his head. “Have you talked to mom and dad about school yet?”

“No, but I talked to Maddie and she’s mediating.” He admits with a small shrug.

“What’s that mean?”

“Talking to us for each other to keep us from starting World War III.” Danny exhales humorously.

“Danny?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Would it be bad if I lied to the kids at school and told them I’m twelve?” Evan is still staring out the window, his good hand twisting his seatbelt in his fingers idly.

Danny frowns. “So that nobody knows you got held back?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You worried about kids teasing you?” He asks.

“Kids thought I was dumb before, maybe I can be smart now if I’m doing it all over again.” He explains to Danny, turning his head to look at him. “And I can just lie, right?”

“I don’t think kids will care all that much if you just own up to it.” He says carefully. “Anyone asks, you just say yeah I got held back, no big deal. Makes you the older guy, makes you cooler than everyone else.”

“Really?”

“It’s all in the attitude, Ev.” He assures.

“The kids in Hershey would laugh when I got picked to read out loud.” Evan confides in him quietly. “What do I do if that happens again?”

“You like to read, what’s wrong with your reading?”

He tries to think back to doing homework with Evan. It’s always been a struggle; he has a hard time focusing and he gets frustrated fast. Maddie was the one who handled it, but Danny had tried to pick up the slack after she left. Usually, it was just math that gave him problems, doing math homework with Evan was hell. The only time Danny ever really fought with Evan was over math homework because the kid would get so pissed off. But he never really needed much help in English or reading or anything like that, the kid loved to read.

“It’s hard to read the words and say them at the same time.” The younger admits, embarrassed. “It comes out all wrong or I have to do it slow and I sound stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Danny insists.

“Then why did I fail?”

“Failing doesn’t make you stupid,” He says, adjusting his hands on the wheel. “You’re a smart kid, you just…”

“Don’t apply myself? That’s what mom says.” Evan grumbles. “Mom and dad say I’m not trying.”

“Well, they’re assholes.” Danny tells him firmly. “They’re wrong and they’re assholes, how’s that?”

Evan laughs quietly at that, seeming to cheer up slightly. “You think so?”

“Oh, I know so.” Danny says with certainty, smirking a bit. “Giant gaping assholes, in fact.”

“Gross!” They both laugh, and some of the stress has eased from them by the time it wears off.

“Look, Ev, sometimes you just… Don’t get stuff.” He says with a small wave of his hand. “I mean you know all sorts of shit; you know a little bit about everything, I think that’s cool.”

“I guess.”

“Not everybody is good at school, sometimes you’re good at other stuff. You’re good a-at playing Pac-Man in the arcade, a-and throwing a perfect spiral with a football and knowing the most interesting stuff about random shit.” He explains.

“And skateboarding?” Evan asks.

“Maybe not skateboarding, considering your face and hand right now.” Danny reaches over, ruffling the younger’s hair. “You gotta stop worrying so much about everything, okay? You’re gonna have gray hair by the time you’re my age.”

“By that point you probably won’t have any hair.” Evan says to him smartly.

“Okay, smartass. Guess I won’t buy you an Icee, then.” He threatens

“Oh, that’s okay. I suppose I’ll just sit here and waste away, then.” The younger leans into the passenger door, Danny grins. “No Icee to help heal my wounded morale and aching wrist.”

“Wounded morale?” Danny laughs. “Are you a thirteen-year-old or an anguished poet now?”

“I can’t hear you over my agony, Daniel.” Evan tells him firmly, then moans exaggeratedly. “Oh, the pain! I think I see a bright light. Grandma, is that you?”

“Christ,” Danny barks, laughing harder. “Okay, all right, drama queen. We can swing by 7/11 after the Oscars.” 

Evan grins over at him, still clutching his wounded wrist to his chest. “I love you, _big brother_.” He tells the other with faux sweetness.

“Never call me that again,” Danny insists with a wave of his hand, still smiling. “You’ll get your Icee, just try not to decompose in the passenger seat.”

“No promises.”

Danny shakes his head in fond exasperation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Evan makes a threat to kill himself if Danny brings him back to their parents.
> 
> Also, I really appreciate all the amazing feedback that I've been getting on this fic. I'm so glad you guys are liking the story, make sure to leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed this chapter!


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